Over

by Sultan

I have come to a point in my life in which life has no meaning. I am simply a cloud floating along through each day. I lost my job, my mom and my marriage in a matter of six months, I lost my life. It’s the domino effect where everything keeps falling down, and at this point I’m just waiting for the next fall.

I had worked so hard to get to the place I was with my career, I was a well known accountant and had a successful business I created with my husband. I guess things were just too competitive in the business industry and I thought my company would’ve overcame all the obstacles, but I was wrong. My career that I had spent years building and moulding all came crashing down and it was all my fault.

My mother, someone I have cherished all my life and held so close to my heart, lost the battle with cancer and was taken from me too soon. I never knew a life without my mother, even after I got married I was constantly at my family home, she still cared for me even at this age, and now I don’t even know how to function without her. Everyday I still check my phone to see if she’s texted or called and then the heart sinking realization sets in and I come to my senses and realize she never will call me or text me again. My only family forever gone.

With everything going on in my life I really thought my husband would stick with me through it all, but he couldn’t handle the mess my life has become. Now that my mom was gone he was now my only family. I met him when I was young and naive and he made me feel special and loved and now all I can think is that it was all a lie. If he really loved and cared for me he would still be here. When we got married we made a commitment to each other, for better or for worse, I guess it was only one sided.

It’s so funny how you can lose everything in such a small amount of time. At this point in my life I have nothing and I am nothing. All the components of a happy life; a family, a job, a significant other vanished within a matter of a few months. All these things we spend building ; careers and relationships can all come crumbling down and we don’t even realize it. We take these things for granted thinking it will always be around, the sad reality of it all is that we can wish for forever all we want but things will always have an end.

Justice For Zainab

by Sultan

This poem was written for seven year old Zainab who was a victim of rape and murder. This is just a warning in case you are not comfortable reading about these concepts.

You didn’t know because you were only seven

and on your way to Quran class

and IT found you alone

 

You didn’t know because you were so trusting and never heard a lie,

and so you believed

and now your sweet innocence lies on IT’s hands

 

You didn’t know there was a cruel and heinous side to this world,

so by taking your little hand,

this creature guided you there

 

You didn’t know and this is not your fault,

a grown creature that I cannot call a man took advantage of your purity

and then your lifeless body lay upon waste

 

You didn’t know

but IT did

 

You didn’t know

and you didn’t deserve this

 

 

Justice for Zainab – This is a news article about Zainab

I saw this new’s article a couple days ago and ever since I have been deeply affected by it. Zainab was a seven year old little girl on her way to her Quran class when she was abducted, raped and murdered-her body was found in a waste yard. I was enraged that stuff like this still happen and even more upset that a grown man- which I hate saying because someone who is able to commit such a thing is not a man in my eyes- could even think about doing this to a child. It disgusts me that sexual abuse is still such a big issue in our world today, everyday I see something new on this issue.  Zainab wasn’t the only child this happened to and I think it is important to raise awareness and that these individuals be punished very  severely. Justice for Zainab is a movement in which individuals around the world are protesting for the criminal to be both arrested and punished with death. It is so crazy that the criminal still hadn’t been arrested when there is video surveillance footage showing and identifying him. Since this started 67 suspects were arrested and examined and the search is still ongoing.

This is a more recent article explaining the search for suspects

 

 

one wish

by Sultan

sleepless nights

love filled play fights

hesitant to show

how deep these feelings really grow

friendship

 

 

late night conversations

lead to unintended confessions

now I suddenly find myself

telling you I love you every night

 

every moment we spend together

I grow more attached to you

I can’t imagine what I would do

without you

 

you mended this broken heart

almost as good as new

I wish upon the stars

for forever

love

 

 

unanswered

occupied

distracted

wandering eyes

unwanted

 

 

your eyes

they lost the shine

the desire

the hope

forever gone

 

 

once upon a time

you were all that I wished for

the funny thing is

you’re still all I want

broken

 

This poem was inspired by Rupi Kaur and her writing style. After recently rereading milk and honey  I decided to take a similar approach with a continuous story like poem. I love the way she uses italicized words after a section, I feel like it just brings closure and ends it in a more impactful way, so I incorporated that into my work. The image I chose for the piece was not really an inspiration but after giving some thought to it I thought it worked really great. I thought of smoking and how it is both harmful and addictive and I thought of the situation in the poem. The love that the individual is craving after their heartbreak is both harmful and addictive in a sense. This individual still wants the love even though this person broke them I guess what I am trying to say is that they continuously want something even though its hurt them and will most likely hurt them again.

 

Eternal Love – Bow View Manor

by Sultan

Little did I know

This afternoon dance class

Would turn into so much more

An innocent little crush

Turned big by surprise

I suddenly found myself

Telling you I love you

Every other night

Soon after

a wonderful wedding

a first step

Into our lifelong journey

May 12, 1953

Travelling to Canada

Hand in hand

We climbed onto the train

To never turn back

The only life I ever knew

Now long gone

A new life awaits

Canada

This is now the place I call home

With my tender husband by my side

This is the place where our love flourished

The place I birthed all my children

The place I fulfilled all of my dreams

Now

Fifty years later

I sit here alone

My beloved at peace

Waiting for me to join him

I know my time is limited

I know I too will leave soon

But I will depart knowing I have done good

For all three of my children kind at heart  

And all have found such lovely families

I am lucky to have had such a great life

A blessed marriage with fine kids

A magnificent ending

From a special beginning

 

Thank you Alice for sharing your wonderful story with us.

Sincerely,

Sultan and Maha

D is for Department Store

by Sultan

What to do there: Buy three gifts (or imagine what you’d buy) for 1. A friend. 2. a person you’ve not yet met. 3. pure self-indulgence. Make this a meditation on gifts. Tell the story of seven gifts you’ve either given or received in your lifetime. Choose gifts from different times in your life, or seven gifts from a single occasion.

 

Over the span of my life I have received numerous gifts ranging from a fake smile of thanks to bawling my eyes out good.

 

  1. One of the best gifts I have ever received was from my dad back in the fifth grade. I remember him telling me that if I had a good report card he would buy me anything that I wanted. So comes March and I proudly show my dad the great marks that I have achieved and he tells me I can buy whatever I want. Originally I was planning on buying an IPod since it was so popular at the time but my dad suggested I come with him to Turkey for two weeks for my aunts wedding. Without a second thought I agreed only to regret it a few weeks later in May at the airport. I say this because it was just the two of us going and I would be leaving my mom and two brothers. I had never been without my mom until then and I cried and cried while leaving her but I got over in eventually. Anyways the moral of the story is that I was gifted a great two week trip and had an amazing time in Turkey with my family.

 

  1. Another very meaningful gift that I received was from my mom. In the seventh grade my mom got me a Pandora bracelet for my birthday and my mom isn’t much of a surprise gift person so she took me to the store and had me pick out the charms and everything. I know this might not seem like much but it meant a lot to me because my mom isn’t really a gift giving or birthday celebrating person so her gesture was really special to me.

 

  1. Another very significant gift that I was presented with just a few years ago would be from my little brother. Being only four at the time my brother went out with my mom to buy me a present for my birthday. They came home with a little gift bag that had a kit-kat and a twix bar and gifted it to me. Later on that day I found the kit-kat half eaten by my brother but it’s okay because it’s the thought that counts.

 

  1. Last year for my 16th I had a little get together with my friends at my house not really a party but intended for my birthday. I specifically told everyone not to get me anything for me because it was just to hang out and have a good time but of course they never listen. When I say I don’t want anything I actually mean that I don’t want anything but that day I received numerous gifts all of which were very special to me.

 

  1. One of the gifts that I have gifted just last year was to my dad. My dad has been living in Saskatchewan for the past eight years and even though he comes to visit every month he usually spends his birthday alone. So when his birthday landed on one of the days he was here I made sure to plan him a little celebration. Beforehand I had bought him a nice polo shirt and on the day of his birthday I planned for all of us to go out for dinner. I was really pleased to see that my dad enjoyed his birthday after spending it alone for the last eight years.

 

  1. A gift that I will always remember and cherish is one from my grandparents. Three years ago when they came to Canada to spend time with us in the winter they brought a gold necklace of the Turkish flag (crescent moon and star). The reason this was very special to me was because I am very proud of my Turkish background and really enjoy representing my country.

 

  1. Lastly the gift of life. The fact that I live a healthy, happy life. The fact that I have a loving and supporting family. The fact that I live in a safe country without the fear of losing my life. The fact that I have a roof over my head and food to eat everyday. I thank God every day for the life that I live.

 

Whenever I am in the position to buy my friends any gifts I try my best to make it something they will like and use and something they will remember me by. I think the best kind of gift is that of meaning so something that I have been thinking of gifting would be a framed photo of me and my friend. I know that it might seem very simple but to me I feel like it’s a very thoughtful gift. Instead of buying something store-bought and handing it over, going somewhere to print out the photo and putting it in a frame is just so sincere. I know that if I were to receive this gift I would really appreciate it.

Since I am always buying myself gifts whether that be clothes or makeup I don’t really have something that I would buy myself. Something that I would like to buy is a new phone since my screen is cracked but other than that I already have everything that I need.

If I was ever in the position to give someone that I didn’t know a gift I would get something useful. What I mean by this is things like a mug or a book or a painting or something that anyone would enjoy. It’s really hard to buy someone something without knowing anything about them, so something that everyone has or uses is the best way to go.

E is for Emergency room

by Sultan

What to do there: Watch and write. Write about different times you’ve been to the ER. Focus on the staff. The doctors, nurses, cleaners, x-ray technicians, volunteers. Eavesdrop or talk to people, both staff and patients. Later, or while you’re there, connect the people into a story. As you write, discover who the main character is, the one who holds the story together. 

Why it’s good for you: Gets you to explore work environments and complex relationships between people who don’t live together. Observation constitutes knowledge.

 

 

 

 

I hear

The whimpers and groans

The heart wrenching cries

The softly whispered prayers

I see

The fountains of tears

The pacing of the worried

The desperate attempt to conceal fear

I smell

The pungent odour of cleanliness

The strong antiseptic

The nauseating chemical aroma

I feel small and helpless

I have this heaviness in my chest

I fear what is to come

A wave of relief passes through me with every beep of the heart monitor

A steady rhythm

A reassurance that life was still there

A teenage girl is rushed in

Doctors and nurses readily pushing the gurney

A trail of blood leading to her room

For a moment they are silent

Evaluating the damage

Then everyone is talking over each other

Ordering different tests and machines

To keep her existing

An even greater rush when the monitor starts wildly beeping

A nurse rushes in with the crash cart

Clear

No change

Over and over they try to bring the life back into her

And then I overhear

Time of death…

I cannot listen any further

They did everything they could

But it is not enough

To get her heart to beat again

To have air rush into her lungs again

Every vital part of her has gone still

All that is left is a flat line

I look over to her parents

A mix of fear and hope filled their eyes

I cannot watch as the doctor approaches them

A loud wail escapes her mother’s lips

And I too cannot contain my tears

She pushes past everyone

Laila she cries out

But Laila can no longer respond

She holds on to her

Blood smearing all over her clothes

Her dad trying to do his best to stay calm

But the grief is still visible

Their little girl was gone

The doctors and nurses and every other hospital worker proceeds on with their day

The concept of death an ordinary part for them

The loss of a life leaving them unfazed

While for the rest of us

Disparity roams the room

 

 

 

 

X is for X-ray

by Sultan

What to do there: Look online at x-rays of skeletons (human or animal). Describe the skeleton(s) from head to foot.  Imagine the life the skeleton (human or animal).  Tell their story before death or before injury.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Above are a series of images of a distance fall. The x-ray shows a shattered skull, broken spine and legs most likely due to the impact of the fall. The deep crevices of the skull show that the individual fell or jumped off backwards and hit a hard object resulting in the cracking and indenting in the back of the head. This image also shows tooth loss and neck damage. The fall also caused the spine to disengage which affected a lot of the internal organs, and if the individual had survived they would’ve  been paralyzed. There are some cracks to the arms and legs this is most likely due to the position or the area they landed in. Due to these severe injuries this individual did not survive.

 

It’s been days and there is still no sight of anything. They should’ve noticed it by now, were they not notified the plane didn’t make it? I can’t stand looking at all of these soulless bodies. I convinced myself I would have a slow painful death from starvation or dehydration. I thought I was lucky making it out alive from that horrible crash, I guess I was too hopeful.  Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one alive, there were a few people that also surprisingly made it out. At least I had some people to keep me company before I died.

Time keeps progressing and the only way we are actually lasting is from the essential resources that grow out of the ground and fall from the sky. Plants and rain water. One time we even found a wounded rabbit and cooked it but that was a rare occasion. The corpses that lay with the broken plane have begun decaying and so we are constantly around the putrid smell of rotting bodies.

The sun rises and sets everyday and still there is no way of getting out. I walk each possible way for hours yet I am always greeted by the same trees that are encasing me in this prison that I will never be able to leave. I hopelessly return to the survivors each time.

Every few hours I call out for help wishing for a response. I see them in my dreams. The rescue workers saving us from this graveyard. Sometimes it’s my fiancée rescuing me, picking me up and carrying me out of this horrid place. Other times its my mind that plays tricks on me and I hear voices calling for me. My parents calling out for me. I respond, I yell so loud the birds fly away. But there is never anyone there.

Every minute is dreadful. I lost count of the days. Two of the others have left with the expectation of finding help. One of us had enough and jumped from one of the towering trees. So it was me and this other girl left and when she too went crazy I was left all alone in a forgotten disaster.

These are the last seconds of my life I decided. Sick of everything I decided it would be better just to end it all, just like the others. No one would even suspect or even question that it was a suicide. I would be just another skeleton when they found us. If they found us. So in hopes of ending all of my misery I climb the tree, making sure it would be a quick death. I guess it wouldn’t really be fast death since I have been slowly dying every passing day.

I’m at the top now and everything seems so beautiful from up here. The jagged pieces of the plane look like a mystery puzzle, and the skeletons too far away tosee. I say a quick prayer for forgiveness and I take my final breath.

 

Abused – Feature Article

by Sultan

eyes bulging in fury

I step back,

petrified for what is to come

I cannot protect myself from the gust of his anger

                                                          from each

furious stroke

 unforgiving push

and

resentful kick

my body flooded with pain

my delicate, amber skin

now a spectrum of

black and blue

         now there is the

flood of tears

apologies

and

false promises

I’m sorry

I promise it will never happen again

he says

 

                       I wish

I could believe

his words

wholeheartedly

he stares into my silent soul

a bottomless pit

that he has created

           carefully

he corrupted

me

how naive I was

how desperate

to feel the

warmth of love

 

blinded by

his sweet

innocent

looks

entranced by his

exquisite

words

what a character

he was

I realize

now

for he has

mastered the art of

persuasion

capturing me

at my weakest point

leaving me in love

with a monster

 

 

How are we so unaware of the horrors that take place within our own country? In Canada alone 42% of women and another 18% of men reported physical abuse by their spouse. Keep in mind that these are only the statistics for those who have reported the abuse, lets not forget about those who have’nt .

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone yet it is always excused or denied.

Physical abuse is classified as any kind of unwanted bodily contact. This can be things like pushing, pulling, punching, kicking, and grabbing. These actions do not have to cause pain or bruising for it to be considered a form of abuse.

Katherine suffered abuse in her marriage for many years. This is her story;

“I lived in a violent marriage for years. I was very naive at first and really didnt know people like him existed. He would kick me, slap me, push me, trip me over, throw things at me, stand on my feet, yell abuse, call me names like ‘social cripple’, the list goes on and on, but he never punched me.

In fact he would say to people that he couldn’t stand ‘wife bashers’.

He tried to isolate us from all those who loved us and new people we met would go through character assasinations by him.

Life was continous hell, fear and horror and he always blamed the children or me for his violence.

Things got a lot worse towards the end. He would threaten to run us all off the road in the car and kill us. The violence became a daily occurance if not several episodes a day.”

She finally built up the courage to leave when her husband began directing the violence to their children;

“When his violence became much worse and was being directed at the children I changed. I began to read about self esteem and positive affirmations. I contacted a friend I used to know who worked in a Woman’s Centre and speaking to her made me realise we were not alone. Finally I began to see the reality of what was happening. When we left I believed he was going to kill us.”

This is Katherine’s advice to those who are suffering.

“If I could come and help you leave I would but it is you who has to do it. Leaving permanently is the only thing that will change the situation. You cant make him better no matter how much you love him. It is NOT your fault, it is his. You are a wonderful person and deserve so much better.

You are not alone, there are many people who know what you are going through. Reach out to people and contact support groups like those who own this website, they are the experts. Most of all believe in yourself and know you are strong.”

 

A lot individuals also suffer from emotional abuse from their partner. 35% of women have reported some kind of emotional abuse in their relationships. This kind of abuse is used to control, demean and or punish the spouse. This can be things like bullying, verbal violence, isolation, put-downs and actions that cause fear in the spouse. Emotional abuse can negatively affect the individual’s self esteem and confidence and can leave the victim feeling anxious, depressed and even suicidal.

Recognizing these signs may be difficult when in , what seems to be, a “loving” relationship. The victim can be fooled into thinking everything is fine when the spouse apologizes and tries to make up for what they have done. The only problem with this is that abuse is usually a reoccurring cycle and before they realize it they are constantly reliving the terror over and over again. No one should live in fear of the person they love. Which is why it’s very important to recognize these signs in order to get out of a toxic relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

every bruise

every threat

every hurtful remark

 

a  lifelong of

feeling worthless

and breaking

 

for today all of these thing are left

in the past

long gone

now history

 

the present for

healing

restoring

rebirth

 

a will to

live

to be happy

 

no longer

a victim

but

a survivor

 

for I have abandoned

the monster

with the

friendly face

 

“Stories from Women about Abusive Relationships.” DVRCV: Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria, www.dvrcv.org.au/stories/true-stories/stories-women-about-abusive-relationships.
“Types of Abuse.” Loveisrespect.org, www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/.
“What Is Emotional Abuse?” What Is Emotional Abuse? | Abuse and Violence | ReachOut Australia, au.reachout.com/articles/what-is-emotional-abuse.
“Emotional Abuse of Women by Male Partners: The Facts.” Emotional Abuse of Women by Male Partners: The Facts | Springtide Resources, www.springtideresources.org/resource/emotional-abuse-women-male-partners-facts.
Ministry of the Status of Women, Government of Ontario. “Statistics: Domestic Violence.” Ministry of the Status of Women / Ministère De La Condition Féminine, Ministry of the Status of Women, Government of Ontario, www.women.gov.on.ca/owd/english/ending-violence/domestic_violence.shtml.
Granonine. “Domestic Violence: Physical Abuse.” Study God’s Word, 16 Aug. 2013, lindasbiblestudy.wordpress.com/2013/08/16/domestic-violence-physical-abuse/.

Delivery

by Sultan

January 1st, 2016. The ending of a 40 week journey.

On New Years Eve, my mother was scheduled for another ultrasound. My sister had been refusing to enter the world for around five days now so the doctors had to check if everything was okay. So my mom went in that day and was told that her baby was getting pretty big and that if she didn’t go into labour on her own she would need to be induced. From there, we went on with our day mostly walking around the mall, in hopes that it would help start labour.

Around 4:00 p.m., my mom got a call from the doctor saying that she needed to go into the hospital tonight to be induced. The doctor viewed her ultrasound scans and said that the baby was already big and waiting a couple more days would mean an increased risk in the baby getting stuck during birth. That would ultimately be very dangerous for both my mom and my sister.

When we got home my mom and I started going through the baby clothes to decide what my baby sister would wear at the hospital. We had finally agreed on the little Minnie mouse one piece with the matching hat when I noticed my mom eyes closed, clutching her swollen belly and  enduring her very first contraction of the day. Labour had finally started.

We packed everything up and put it by the door so it would be ready when it was time to go to the hospital. My mom was resting on the couch going through contractions and measuring how far apart and how long each  lasted. An hour later she decided it was time to go to the hospital so my parents left leaving me with two younger brothers to take care of.

Within two hours they were back home, because labour had not progressed yet, and there we all were still anticipating her arrival. My moms contractions were getting worse now and every time she got one it was like I could feel it too.  After another hour of painful waiting my parents were off to the hospital once again.

Left with my two younger brothers again, I prepared them something to eat and then we were off to bed.

January 1st, 2016. 8:30 a.m. two whats app picture notifications appear on my phone, accompanied by the words “you’re little sister”. I opened the  app and was greeted by two pictures of a chubby little baby girl. My baby sister was finally born.

Later that morning my dad came to pick us up to go see her. Months of anticipation were finally over, I was really going to see her today.  I remember how the elevator ride up to the 6th floor seemed like it was taking hours. I remember walking in through the doors of my moms hospital room and seeing her holding the baby in her arms. I remember how she handed her off to me and I took her into my arms as she was peacefully sleeping, unaware of the world.

Never did it occur to me that 16 years later my mom would be having another baby. Never did I realize that such a tiny body could provide me with so much love and comfort.

SULTAN

by Sultan

Image result for rihanna crown gif

The name Sultan means authority and strength.

I was given this name by my grandfather, the name of his mother.

I wear this name like a crown, proud to be able represent the power that it holds.

 

My great grandma was a figure who I have always admired and looked up to.

She lived up to this name; she was the strongest most resilient person that I have known.

This is her story.

She lived in Turkey, and was in her mid twenties when my great grandfather passed away. Completely alone, she was left with five kids to feed and nurture. My grandpa being the middle child, was only seven or eight at the time. Times were tough for them, the six of them lived in a small village, in an even smaller house. My great grandma made a living by selling milk products, crops, eggs and when times got really tough she sold the farm animals too. On top of that she worked in the fields in the scorching hot summers to save up for the harsh  winters. She was able to sustain the family needs and send the kids to school to a certain point. So, my grandpa and his siblings went to school until grade five, until they learned to read and write, and then dropped out to help with the work. Things went on like this for a while, until all of her children got married, and then she moved in with my grandpa and grandma. She helped out even then by taking care of the five children my grandpa had,  with growing fruits and vegetables, and tending to the animals. My great grandma never stopped working, until she became bedridden, at the age of 80. I like to think that this was her time to rest. She lived this way for three more years and then she was finally at peace.

Her name now sits atop of my head like a crown.

I too will be as hardworking and as tough as her.

I too will live up to this name that carries so much honour.